NICU mamas

After I was discharged I began to use the lactation room when I needed to pump.  I was very uncomfortable to use that room at first, because there was usually at least one other woman in there at the same time.  As time went by I began to see the same women as some of us were on the same pumping schedule.  We hardly knew each others first names we all knew each other by our children's names, I was known as Oliver's mom.  These mothers who were all struggling with their own troubles became a great support system for me.  The relationships developed in that room were different than any other I have experienced.  I think mostly it was due to the nature of why we were all there and the intimacy of the lactation room.  We felt safe in that small, dimly lit room to share our thoughts and feelings.  We celebrated the smallest step forward and we gave support and encouragement as best we could when there were steps backward.  Sometimes I would go there when I just needed a break and to be by myself.  That room was always empty when I needed it to be and I am grateful for that.  We helped the new mothers and gave them suggestions and told them about some of the things we had learned along the way that made life easier.  You could always tell who was new.  Not just by their struggle to walk and their slow careful movements.  They all had the same look, the look I am positive we all wore when we were the new ones.  When you looked into their eyes you could read the shock, the sadness, the asking of why, the struggle for comprehension.  When I look in the eyes of a veteran NICU mom I can still see traces of these, but I also see a hardness and a sharpness that comes from seeing too much.  
I have stayed in contact with some of these women who I met in that room.  They continue to be a support for me.  We continue to encourage and support each other and our children.  We have walked, talked, laughed, and cried together.  So, thank you NICU mamas for helping me navigate through these troubled waters.  I know without a doubt that I could not have done it without you.