Wednesday, August 1, 2012

F you PPD

So, a few months ago I wrote a post about how good it felt to be a mother without experiencing depression.  Well, depression has once again entered my life and bitch slapped me.  I have felt like my life is slowly spinning out of control over the past month or so.  It has been a slow downward spiral, which allowed me to ignore the symptoms for awhile.  I finally made the call to my therapist and will resume my therapy.  I hate all aspects of PPD, I hate how it makes me feel, I hate how it makes me short tempered with my children, I hate how it zaps all my motivation to do anything, I hate the awful mood swings...the list goes on and on.  It is so hard to acknowledge that this aspect of my life is back.  I have struggled with feelings of shame and embarrassment when I have talked about it with my husband and others close to me.  I have hesitated writing about it on here.  But, this is part of my journey and I refuse to let it control my life any longer.  I am dreading the hard work that is ahead of me as I begin to fight back against this demon.  Fight back I will, since there is no other option.