Or, our second high risk pregnancy. So, how does one prepare themselves to embark on this journey again? The true answer is that you cannot truly be fully prepared to do this again. The first time I had some degree of ignorance about the true outcome. It is true that ignorance is bliss. I did not have access to the full arsenal of interventions that time. This time I feel somewhat better prepared to battle the weakness of my body. Everyone is more informed and better prepared to try and ward off preterm labor and hopefully preterm delivery.
The first step in the prevention plan was to put in a cerclage, I actually ended up with two. If you have never had a cerclage all I can say is that it is a truly surreal experience and not one I am anxious to repeat. Since having the cerclage placed I have been on restrictions. I was on bedrest for several weeks and just recently allowed to be upright more often. My doctors have instructed me that I am not to lift anything and only allowed limited activity. The hardest part of this is not being able to pick up and care for my son. We are lucky in that we have family available to help us. So far our moms are taking turns living with us during the week and Justin is on baby care on the weekends. It is kind of bizarre having our moms live with us, but we are so grateful that they are able to help us.
I am also taking medications to help keep my uterus relaxed. My midwife told me about an herbal tonic called Welcome Womb. I am also taking magnesium tablets which will also help keep things relaxed. This week my mom and I had the pleasure of learning how to give me progesterone injections. Thankfully, I only have to have them once a week.
I have chosen to look at these discomforts and inconveniences as a small price to pay for a healthy close to term baby in the end.
I will continue to hope for CHU, CHU, CHU.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
What About the Fathers?
As I am slowly gestating our second child, I find myself reflecting on my first pregnancy. Surprisingly, I have not been reliving the traumas, but remembering my feelings of expectations and what was happening in our life at the time. I remember waiting to hear the heart beat the first time, waiting to feel those first flutters of movement, waiting to get big enough so that people would know I was pregnant.
Lately, I have been thinking more about my husband and how this was all perceived by him. By the very nature of pregnancy the focus is on the mother and the child. Fathers can be easily overlooked. I am guilty of this, it is hard to fully engage with him at the end of a long day when I am past the point of being exhausted and feeling nauseous. I know that he is feeling stress and pressure from his job. He is also worried about paying the bills with another little one on the way. I know that he carries a lot of the fear from Oliver's birth, we both do. He has never really opened up about what went on during the summer Oliver and I were in the hospital. When I was in therapy we did discuss what went on to an extent. He read all the books I read. While he has never written in a journal, I hope he does find an outlet for all the fear, pain, and uncertainty that we lived with. I haven't pushed him to open up, because if he isn't ready then what is the point.
I understand that it can be very painful to revisit those buried emotions, but once you let them out the healing begins.
So, I guess my point in writing this is to remind us not to forget the fathers. They need emotional support as much as the mothers. I think society expects them to be stoic and handle everything that is thrown at them. These men aren't superhuman even though we would like to think so. Perhaps NICU's need to have some groups for the fathers to help them through this awful experience. Having a medically fragile child puts a huge amount of strain and stress on a relationship, and a relationship is not just about the mother. BOTH partners need support, individually and together.
So, in this month of prematurity awareness, go and support a father.
Lately, I have been thinking more about my husband and how this was all perceived by him. By the very nature of pregnancy the focus is on the mother and the child. Fathers can be easily overlooked. I am guilty of this, it is hard to fully engage with him at the end of a long day when I am past the point of being exhausted and feeling nauseous. I know that he is feeling stress and pressure from his job. He is also worried about paying the bills with another little one on the way. I know that he carries a lot of the fear from Oliver's birth, we both do. He has never really opened up about what went on during the summer Oliver and I were in the hospital. When I was in therapy we did discuss what went on to an extent. He read all the books I read. While he has never written in a journal, I hope he does find an outlet for all the fear, pain, and uncertainty that we lived with. I haven't pushed him to open up, because if he isn't ready then what is the point.
I understand that it can be very painful to revisit those buried emotions, but once you let them out the healing begins.
So, I guess my point in writing this is to remind us not to forget the fathers. They need emotional support as much as the mothers. I think society expects them to be stoic and handle everything that is thrown at them. These men aren't superhuman even though we would like to think so. Perhaps NICU's need to have some groups for the fathers to help them through this awful experience. Having a medically fragile child puts a huge amount of strain and stress on a relationship, and a relationship is not just about the mother. BOTH partners need support, individually and together.
So, in this month of prematurity awareness, go and support a father.
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