Enemies, we all have them. They are not fun to deal with. We go out of our way to avoid dealing with them. If we are really strong we learn to stand up to them and not let them control our lives. I am my own worst enemy. I know exactly where the chinks in my armor are and I can land blows with lethal accuracy. I like many people struggle with comparing myself against others, and I always find myself lacking. It is an awful way to live and feel about yourself. I have to work hard to silence my own negative voice. It isn't easy, and some days I cannot do it. I am learning to be okay with imperfection.
Next week I will be running my 4th half marathon. It is the first one since I had the kids. I have not gotten in the training miles in like I would have liked. Life has a way of really getting in the way and things come up that are more important then getting in a few miles that day. So, even though my training hasn't gone as well as I would have liked I am still going to run the race, because I CAN. There was a time in my life when I would not have run if I didn't feel like my training had gone well, I didn't want to be embarrassed by a poor performance. Now I think how silly this attitude was, I mean my first half marathon I did was truly awful, the weather was awful, my fitness level was awful, I came in 2nd to last. I beat a 89 year old woman, um yeah not the best start to long distance running. But you know what? I finished that race, even though that negative voice in my head was telling me how much I sucked at running and that I should just stop and drop out of the race. I STILL FINISHED.
I have come so far in the past year of reclaiming me and getting back on track. I am happily down almost 50 pounds, that is such an amazing number to me. When I first started it seemed unattainable, but now here it is right around the corner. I still have more to go but man it feels so good to know that much is gone.
So, yeah I am learning to be okay with things even if they didn't go as planned. I am working hard to silence my nemesis. Who really needs more negativity in their life.
Accept that we are not perfect beings and start to be happy with that.
