I have now had two birth experiences and both have been very different and yet very similar.
The morning of February 24, 2012 I knew something was going on when I woke up, it was also the day I hit 29 weeks. I had a few contractions, I was not in denial about them this time. I timed them over an hour as I ate my breakfast and told my nurse about them. She hooked me up to the monitor to see if they could be picked up. Coincidentally, my nurse that morning was the same one I had the day I went into labor with Oliver. She informed me that "we are not doing this today." when she hooked me up to the monitor. I wholeheartedly agreed with her! I waited for another hour and was still having a few contractions so I decided that I should call my husband and have him come down. It would take him about 3 hours to get to the hospital. My nurse came back in to check on me and casually asked me if I wanted to call my husband, we both knew things were not going in the right direction but neither of us said it out loud.
Soon labs were being drawn and my vitals taken. The OB resident came in with the nurse and informed me that I would be examined to check for dilation. Great a lovely exam while perched on the bedpan. I HATE those! Things looked good and I wasn't dilated. So the plan was to wait and see and hope the contractions would stop or slow down. About an hour or so later the resident returned to tell me that my labs showed no signs of infection so she figured that I wouldn't be delivering that day. I told her that I was still contracting and that they were getting more intense, not really painful, but they were headed in that direction.
My husband arrived around Noon and shortly there after we were taken upstairs to have an ultrasound to check my fluid levels. Ha! There really was no fluid to speak of since the rupture. So, after a quick scan during which I had a few more contractions, the doctor (who also delivered Oliver) arrived to take a look at things. He asked how my day was going and I informed him of the ongoing contractions and that they were now hurting but not really in a pattern. He started scanning the baby and got quiet. He turned the screen so that Justin and I could see it better, we clearly saw the spine of the baby and it was breech. My doctor went on to tell us that the baby had moved into a position that looked like it was going to be coming out soon. He felt that since I was having painful contractions and the position of the baby that we needed to discuss delivering. I of course started crying because here we were again having to deal with a preterm delivery. We were given the options of having a scheduled c-section later that day, or waiting and seeing if things would settle down. I was taken back to my room and Justin and I were allowed to talk things over to make a decision. We decided to schedule the c-section so that everyone could be better prepared and a neonatologist would be there to take care of the baby. We were able to give people a 2 hour warning about the impending birth of baby #2. My mom left Oliver with my dad so that she could drive down to be here for the birth. We had the nurses call a lactation consultant so that a breast pump would be ready for me to use in the recovery room.
Once we made our decision I had a sense of relief come over me, this high risk, high stress pregnancy would be over soon. I was sad too that I was not able to carry this child closer to term, but I didn't feel like I had failed like when Oliver was born. I didn't blame myself or my body for failing to keep this child in utero, it was just time for her to be born. 15 weeks is a long time to live in a constant state of fear, anxiety, and the unknown. Not that having a preemie is any picnic by any means.
The prep began to get me ready for surgery. It was not rushed and panicked like with Oliver's birth. My nurses on antepartum got me ready and I cried off and on, and also shared in some laughter with them.
Soon enough it was time to go to the operating room, and start the prep in there. There was no mad sprint down the hallway with people yelling out directions and orders. There were not 10 different people coming at me at once. I was not screaming and crying in pain and sheer terror. That was Oliver's birth, not this one. This one everyone was calm and spoke to me one at a time. Introductions were made, but I don't remember their names now. Soon enough things got going and Justin was allowed in. Shortly, we were told that the baby was born and I started throwing up so I missed when they walked the baby out the door. Justin left to go and watch as they stabilized the baby. I waited for what seemed like forever for him to return and tell me what we had. Eventually he walked through the door and announced that we had a GIRL! She was wheeled in right behind him so I could see her. She was so tiny, but breathing on her own. She was wrapped in bubble wrap and blankets and I was told that she was a bit cold so they needed to go. I was able to touch her hand before she was wheeled out of the room.
After what seemed like hours the surgery was over and I was taken to recovery. Justin joined me there eventually and told me that she was in the airplane neighborhood, which is where Oliver was. She was doing well she had some bruises and was pretty swollen from not having fluid but otherwise she looked good. After I had recovered enough I was taken to the NICU to see her before going to the Mother baby unit.
It was good for my soul to see her so soon after birth. We had to wait several hours after Oliver was born to see him. After getting a good look at her I felt like I could give her a name. Justin and I debated for awhile in my room about what we should name her. We finally settled on Annalynn Grace, we liked the name and felt that she would need some grace in her life. As my cousin Anna says 'We Annas might be small but we are mighty!" So far Annalynn is proving Anna correct.
So, was it the birth that I had wanted? Nope, not at all. I will say that it was not as traumatic as Oliver's birth. This time I have some small feeling of peace about my birth. I think that it helped that we were not dealing with a true emergency situation where everyone was rushing around and things happening to me and I had no control over anything. Justin and I were given a choice this time, granted it was only one but we were allowed to have some control over one aspect of a not great situation. Did we make the right decision? Yes, I think given what was going on that day it was the right thing to deliver. My doctor informed me afterwards that they discovered that I was 4 cm dilated while they were checking things out before they closed my incision. So, she would've made her arrival that day no matter what. Also, neither Annalynn or I developed an infection and that has made all the difference in the world for my recovery. Annalynn is doing very well for her early arrival. She still has a long road ahead of her and she will have to prove her moxy. I have no doubt that she will and she will do it with style.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The swimming pool emptied......again
So, I am writing this while sitting in the NICU once again waiting and watching one of my children grow and mature enough to take home. HOW did this happen? WHY did this happen? WHY us? WHY my children? There are no answers to these questions and I have to try very hard to not go down that road of questioning because it really leads to nowhere. So, instead I am trying to focus on the here and now.
As you all know when I last wrote about my pregnancy I was coming up on some significant dates associated with Oliver's birth. Once I passed the 27 week 4 days mark I felt so excited. I was so happy to make it past that day and to keep going. I kind of allowed myself to put on some light pink, but not rose colored glasses. I dreamed about giving birth to a full term baby. I daydreamed about how it must feel to leave the hospital with your child and not months apart. I was so happy with life and doing fine laying on the couch all day long.
As the week progressed I started to get a sense of unease about my upcoming appointment with the MFM doctors that Friday. Thursday evening before I went to bed I had a sense that I would not come home from that appointment. Little did I know that I would be waaaaay early form my appointment that day. I woke up at 230 am and needed to go to the bathroom as I was walking to the bathroom I felt some liquid run down my leg. I prayed and prayed and prayed that I had just peed myself. I think this is the only time in my life I wanted to have wet my pants. I sat on the toilet and saw that my pants were quite wet and then the smell hit me and I knew exactly what was happening. I felt the dumping of adrenaline into my system I began to shake and cry. I grabbed a towel to put between my legs to catch all the liquid that was now streaming out of me. I started to cry when I woke up my husband to tell him my water had broken. He got on the phone to my midwife to tell her what was going on as I stood in my closet trying to decide what pants to wear because I knew they would be soaked in no time. My midwife called the MFM doctor and the helicopter to come and get me. My mom heard the noise and came into our room and helped get me ready and put more towels on the seat of the car. Justin drove us to the local labor and delivery in record time, thanks to running red lights. I was so scared, shocked, sad, and angry that this was happening again. I just kept crying and thinking about all the work of 15 weeks of bedrest and missing out on major family events and here we were, ruptured prematurely.
Once I got to L&D the nurses had me change into a gown. I apologized for leaking all over the floor of the bathroom as I changed. The nurse glanced at the large puddle in the middle of the floor and told me that they didn't need to do the test strip to confirm I was ruptured she could tell by the amount of fluid on the floor. I was hooked up to the monitors and an IV was started and labs were drawn. My midwife drove in and was there with us as well. I was started on mag and given the first beta shot. I was informed that the helicopter was out picking up someone else but that it would be coming to get me soon. I felt the effects of the mag quickly, I thought my palms were on fire. I had somewhat calmed down but was still leaking tears. That is when the contractions started so my mag got bumped up a bit and the contractions were finally stopped. Justin and I waited in our room for the helicopter to arrive. There was no mistaking when it did arrive it was so loud and the spotlight shown right through the blinds in my room. The flight crew arrived and began switching everything to their equipment. I was transferred to a microscopic gurney that was in no way designed for a pregnant woman. They wrapped me in basically a neon orange sleeping bag to keep me warm and I kissed my husband good bye and was wheeled out the door and down some hallways and loaded onto the helicopter. It was a beautiful morning, the sky was pale pink with a few puffy white clouds. I remember thinking that with such a beautiful sunrise that things had to be okay. I watched as we flew over farms and small towns. Soon enough we were flying over Peoria and lining up for the landing. Once we landed I was taken to labor and delivery where it seemed like every woman in the area was in labor. Eventually I got moved to my home away from home, the antepartum unit. I would remain there for exactly one week.
As you all know when I last wrote about my pregnancy I was coming up on some significant dates associated with Oliver's birth. Once I passed the 27 week 4 days mark I felt so excited. I was so happy to make it past that day and to keep going. I kind of allowed myself to put on some light pink, but not rose colored glasses. I dreamed about giving birth to a full term baby. I daydreamed about how it must feel to leave the hospital with your child and not months apart. I was so happy with life and doing fine laying on the couch all day long.
As the week progressed I started to get a sense of unease about my upcoming appointment with the MFM doctors that Friday. Thursday evening before I went to bed I had a sense that I would not come home from that appointment. Little did I know that I would be waaaaay early form my appointment that day. I woke up at 230 am and needed to go to the bathroom as I was walking to the bathroom I felt some liquid run down my leg. I prayed and prayed and prayed that I had just peed myself. I think this is the only time in my life I wanted to have wet my pants. I sat on the toilet and saw that my pants were quite wet and then the smell hit me and I knew exactly what was happening. I felt the dumping of adrenaline into my system I began to shake and cry. I grabbed a towel to put between my legs to catch all the liquid that was now streaming out of me. I started to cry when I woke up my husband to tell him my water had broken. He got on the phone to my midwife to tell her what was going on as I stood in my closet trying to decide what pants to wear because I knew they would be soaked in no time. My midwife called the MFM doctor and the helicopter to come and get me. My mom heard the noise and came into our room and helped get me ready and put more towels on the seat of the car. Justin drove us to the local labor and delivery in record time, thanks to running red lights. I was so scared, shocked, sad, and angry that this was happening again. I just kept crying and thinking about all the work of 15 weeks of bedrest and missing out on major family events and here we were, ruptured prematurely.
Once I got to L&D the nurses had me change into a gown. I apologized for leaking all over the floor of the bathroom as I changed. The nurse glanced at the large puddle in the middle of the floor and told me that they didn't need to do the test strip to confirm I was ruptured she could tell by the amount of fluid on the floor. I was hooked up to the monitors and an IV was started and labs were drawn. My midwife drove in and was there with us as well. I was started on mag and given the first beta shot. I was informed that the helicopter was out picking up someone else but that it would be coming to get me soon. I felt the effects of the mag quickly, I thought my palms were on fire. I had somewhat calmed down but was still leaking tears. That is when the contractions started so my mag got bumped up a bit and the contractions were finally stopped. Justin and I waited in our room for the helicopter to arrive. There was no mistaking when it did arrive it was so loud and the spotlight shown right through the blinds in my room. The flight crew arrived and began switching everything to their equipment. I was transferred to a microscopic gurney that was in no way designed for a pregnant woman. They wrapped me in basically a neon orange sleeping bag to keep me warm and I kissed my husband good bye and was wheeled out the door and down some hallways and loaded onto the helicopter. It was a beautiful morning, the sky was pale pink with a few puffy white clouds. I remember thinking that with such a beautiful sunrise that things had to be okay. I watched as we flew over farms and small towns. Soon enough we were flying over Peoria and lining up for the landing. Once we landed I was taken to labor and delivery where it seemed like every woman in the area was in labor. Eventually I got moved to my home away from home, the antepartum unit. I would remain there for exactly one week.
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