I have now had two birth experiences and both have been very different and yet very similar.
The morning of February 24, 2012 I knew something was going on when I woke up, it was also the day I hit 29 weeks. I had a few contractions, I was not in denial about them this time. I timed them over an hour as I ate my breakfast and told my nurse about them. She hooked me up to the monitor to see if they could be picked up. Coincidentally, my nurse that morning was the same one I had the day I went into labor with Oliver. She informed me that "we are not doing this today." when she hooked me up to the monitor. I wholeheartedly agreed with her! I waited for another hour and was still having a few contractions so I decided that I should call my husband and have him come down. It would take him about 3 hours to get to the hospital. My nurse came back in to check on me and casually asked me if I wanted to call my husband, we both knew things were not going in the right direction but neither of us said it out loud.
Soon labs were being drawn and my vitals taken. The OB resident came in with the nurse and informed me that I would be examined to check for dilation. Great a lovely exam while perched on the bedpan. I HATE those! Things looked good and I wasn't dilated. So the plan was to wait and see and hope the contractions would stop or slow down. About an hour or so later the resident returned to tell me that my labs showed no signs of infection so she figured that I wouldn't be delivering that day. I told her that I was still contracting and that they were getting more intense, not really painful, but they were headed in that direction.
My husband arrived around Noon and shortly there after we were taken upstairs to have an ultrasound to check my fluid levels. Ha! There really was no fluid to speak of since the rupture. So, after a quick scan during which I had a few more contractions, the doctor (who also delivered Oliver) arrived to take a look at things. He asked how my day was going and I informed him of the ongoing contractions and that they were now hurting but not really in a pattern. He started scanning the baby and got quiet. He turned the screen so that Justin and I could see it better, we clearly saw the spine of the baby and it was breech. My doctor went on to tell us that the baby had moved into a position that looked like it was going to be coming out soon. He felt that since I was having painful contractions and the position of the baby that we needed to discuss delivering. I of course started crying because here we were again having to deal with a preterm delivery. We were given the options of having a scheduled c-section later that day, or waiting and seeing if things would settle down. I was taken back to my room and Justin and I were allowed to talk things over to make a decision. We decided to schedule the c-section so that everyone could be better prepared and a neonatologist would be there to take care of the baby. We were able to give people a 2 hour warning about the impending birth of baby #2. My mom left Oliver with my dad so that she could drive down to be here for the birth. We had the nurses call a lactation consultant so that a breast pump would be ready for me to use in the recovery room.
Once we made our decision I had a sense of relief come over me, this high risk, high stress pregnancy would be over soon. I was sad too that I was not able to carry this child closer to term, but I didn't feel like I had failed like when Oliver was born. I didn't blame myself or my body for failing to keep this child in utero, it was just time for her to be born. 15 weeks is a long time to live in a constant state of fear, anxiety, and the unknown. Not that having a preemie is any picnic by any means.
The prep began to get me ready for surgery. It was not rushed and panicked like with Oliver's birth. My nurses on antepartum got me ready and I cried off and on, and also shared in some laughter with them.
Soon enough it was time to go to the operating room, and start the prep in there. There was no mad sprint down the hallway with people yelling out directions and orders. There were not 10 different people coming at me at once. I was not screaming and crying in pain and sheer terror. That was Oliver's birth, not this one. This one everyone was calm and spoke to me one at a time. Introductions were made, but I don't remember their names now. Soon enough things got going and Justin was allowed in. Shortly, we were told that the baby was born and I started throwing up so I missed when they walked the baby out the door. Justin left to go and watch as they stabilized the baby. I waited for what seemed like forever for him to return and tell me what we had. Eventually he walked through the door and announced that we had a GIRL! She was wheeled in right behind him so I could see her. She was so tiny, but breathing on her own. She was wrapped in bubble wrap and blankets and I was told that she was a bit cold so they needed to go. I was able to touch her hand before she was wheeled out of the room.
After what seemed like hours the surgery was over and I was taken to recovery. Justin joined me there eventually and told me that she was in the airplane neighborhood, which is where Oliver was. She was doing well she had some bruises and was pretty swollen from not having fluid but otherwise she looked good. After I had recovered enough I was taken to the NICU to see her before going to the Mother baby unit.
It was good for my soul to see her so soon after birth. We had to wait several hours after Oliver was born to see him. After getting a good look at her I felt like I could give her a name. Justin and I debated for awhile in my room about what we should name her. We finally settled on Annalynn Grace, we liked the name and felt that she would need some grace in her life. As my cousin Anna says 'We Annas might be small but we are mighty!" So far Annalynn is proving Anna correct.
So, was it the birth that I had wanted? Nope, not at all. I will say that it was not as traumatic as Oliver's birth. This time I have some small feeling of peace about my birth. I think that it helped that we were not dealing with a true emergency situation where everyone was rushing around and things happening to me and I had no control over anything. Justin and I were given a choice this time, granted it was only one but we were allowed to have some control over one aspect of a not great situation. Did we make the right decision? Yes, I think given what was going on that day it was the right thing to deliver. My doctor informed me afterwards that they discovered that I was 4 cm dilated while they were checking things out before they closed my incision. So, she would've made her arrival that day no matter what. Also, neither Annalynn or I developed an infection and that has made all the difference in the world for my recovery. Annalynn is doing very well for her early arrival. She still has a long road ahead of her and she will have to prove her moxy. I have no doubt that she will and she will do it with style.
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