In the week leading up to Annalynn's birth I began to mentally prepare for dealing with a baby in the NICU. Statistically speaking I knew it was highly unlikely that I would hang onto the pregnancy another 6 weeks to make it to 34 weeks. I knew that with this NICU stay I wanted things to be different from Oliver's.
First off I was determined to make milk for my baby. Not that I wasn't determined with Oliver, but some missteps early on had some impact on my supply.
Secondly and most importantly, I wanted to be able to develop a bond with this child from the beginning. For that to occur I knew that I needed to feel like a mom. Seems kind of silly doesn't it, I mean what woman doesn't feel like a mom to her newborn baby? It can be difficult to fully feel like a mom while your child is in the NICU. It is the nature of the beast, you and your baby are on their schedule. There are rules to be followed and goals to be worked on. There are procedures that are done to your baby that cause them discomfort or pain and you are helpless to shield your baby from them. Sometimes all you can do to provide comfort to your baby involves turning off lights and sounds and not touch your baby since their nervous system is not developed and cannot handle all the stimulation. It is the hardest thing to do when every cell in your body is screaming for you to reach out and hold your baby, but you can't because they are too fragile.
To be a mom in the NICU involves some creativity.
I read to both of my children during their stays. I wanted them to know my voice and I wanted to share my favorite children's books with them.
I involved myself in their cares whenever I could. In the beginning that meant taking their temperatures and changing their diapers. In time I was also able to give them baths.
Once they were stable enough I began kangaroo care with them. With Oliver, I let Justin have many more kangaroo sessions than I did with Annalynn. With Annalynn I knew that I needed to hold her as much as I could in order to feel close to her. I also tried to kangaroo during a feeding so that she would start to associate me with food.
As the kids become more stable and transitioned to open cribs I was able to hold them more often. Being able to hold your child when you want is HUGE for bonding with your baby.
When bottle feeding was allowed I wanted to be the one to feed my children. Again, I wanted them to associate me with food and comfort.
Breastfeeding was also so something I did that made me feel like a mom. With Oliver I did not have the supply to fully breastfeed him. With Annalynn I asked for a lot more breastfeeding sessions. She was discharged from the NICU breastfeeding for half her feedings. She is now fully breastfed.
I felt more empowered as a parent to ask questions and become more actively involved in the decisions made about Annalynn's care in the NICU. It helped that I knew and trusted the staff, this allowed me to feel like there was an open channel of dialogue between us.
With Oliver I was too fearful to fully talk about things, it made it all the more real and I was too fragile at the time to do that. I was more open and honest about Annalynn's journey. Yes, at times it was painful but it was our reality.
I think the biggest step I took to feeling bonded to Annalynn was that I opened myself up to the feelings of love and affection toward her from the beginning. With Oliver I was so scared the whole time he was in the NICU that I did not fully allow myself to feel those feelings until he was home.
I have not let fear guide my decisions this time.
Other NICU parents find other ways to bond with their babies, you get good at thinking outside of the box when you have a medically fragile child.
