The swimming pool emptied......again

So, I am writing this while sitting in the NICU once again waiting and watching one of my children grow and mature enough to take home.  HOW did this happen?  WHY did this happen?  WHY us?  WHY my children?  There are no answers to these questions and I have to try very hard to not go down that road of questioning because it really leads to nowhere.  So, instead I am trying to focus on the here and now.
As you all know when I last wrote about my pregnancy I was coming up on some significant dates associated with Oliver's birth.  Once I passed the 27 week 4 days mark I felt so excited.  I was so happy to make it past that day and to keep going.  I kind of allowed myself to put on some light pink, but not rose colored glasses.  I dreamed about giving birth to a full term baby.  I daydreamed about how it must feel to leave the hospital with your child and not months apart.  I was so happy with life and doing fine laying on the couch all day long. 
As the week progressed I started to get a sense of unease about my upcoming appointment with the MFM doctors that Friday.  Thursday evening before I went to bed I had a sense that I would not come home from that appointment.  Little did I know that I would be waaaaay early form my appointment that day.  I woke up at 230 am and needed to go to the bathroom as I was walking to the bathroom I felt some liquid run down my leg.  I prayed and prayed and prayed that I had just peed myself.  I think this is the only time in my life I wanted to have wet my pants.  I sat on the toilet and saw that my pants were quite wet and then the smell hit me and I knew exactly what was happening.  I felt the dumping of adrenaline into my system I began to shake and cry.  I grabbed a towel to put between my legs to catch all the liquid that was now streaming out of me.  I started to cry when I woke up my husband to tell him my water had broken.  He got on the phone to my midwife to tell her what was going on as I stood in my closet trying to decide what pants to wear because I knew they would be soaked in no time.  My midwife called the MFM doctor and the helicopter to come and get me.  My mom heard the noise and came into our room and helped get me ready and put more towels on the seat of the car.  Justin drove us to the local labor and delivery in record time, thanks to running red lights.  I was so scared, shocked, sad, and angry that this was happening again.  I just kept crying and thinking about all the work of 15 weeks of bedrest and missing out on major family events and here we were, ruptured prematurely. 
Once I got to L&D the nurses had me change into a gown.  I apologized for leaking all over the floor of the bathroom as I changed.  The nurse glanced at the large puddle in the middle of the floor and told me that they didn't need to do the test strip to confirm I was ruptured she could tell by the amount of fluid on the floor.  I was hooked up to the monitors and an IV was started and labs were drawn.  My midwife drove in and was there with us as well.  I was started on mag and given the first beta shot.  I was informed that the helicopter was out picking up someone else but that it would be coming to get me soon.  I felt the effects of the mag quickly, I thought my palms were on fire.  I had somewhat calmed down but was still leaking tears.  That is when the contractions started so my mag got bumped up a bit and the contractions were finally stopped.  Justin and I waited in our room for the helicopter to arrive.  There was no mistaking when it did arrive it was so loud and the spotlight shown right through the blinds in my room.  The flight crew arrived and began switching everything to their equipment.  I was transferred to a microscopic gurney that was in no way designed for a pregnant woman.  They wrapped me in basically a neon orange sleeping bag to keep me warm and I kissed my husband good bye and was wheeled out the door and down some hallways and loaded onto the helicopter.  It was a beautiful morning, the sky was pale pink with a few puffy white clouds.  I remember thinking that with such a beautiful sunrise that things had to be okay.  I watched as we flew over farms and small towns.  Soon enough we were flying over Peoria and lining up for the landing.  Once we landed I was taken to labor and delivery where it seemed like every woman in the area was in labor.  Eventually I got moved to my home away from home, the antepartum unit.  I would remain there for exactly one week.