Freedom

The day finally arrived that I was discharged.  It was so very bittersweet, I was glad to be leaving the hospital but I was leaving my child there.  There was no congratulation fanfare like the other new parents.  There were no balloons, there was no baby in my arms, there was one bunch of flowers from my work.  My husband had gone home for a day to get me some clothes instead of pajamas.  It was so emotional leaving the place I had called home for over 6 weeks, I felt safe there.
It had been decided earlier in the week that my mom and I would be moving into a local hotel so that I could stay close to Ollie.  With the help of my aunt, uncle, and Justin we moved into our new "home".  I had my own room and mom had an adjoining room.  I was weepy that whole evening.  I had planned on going back to the NICU that night but was too tired to make the trip.  Justin went home after dinner because he had to work the next day.  My mom and I spent the evening sitting on the couch watching TV and I would pump every few hours.  I moved like a little old lady, hunched over and slow walking.  It hurt too much to stand up fully.
Over the next few days we got into our routine.  Wake up at 7:30, pump, get dressed, get to breakfast by 9, back to room, finish getting ready, pump again, pack up pumping supplies and milk and get to NICU a little after 10.  We would spend the days sitting next to Oliver's fish tank watching him.  I would go to his team meetings if I was there to see what the plans were for him and to ask my questions of his doctors.  My mom was sewing bibs for him to keep herself occupied.  I could not focus enough to do that.  Every three hours I would do his cares.  I would slowly waddle to the pumping room every few hours and give his nurse the milk I had pumped for him.  Mom and I would get lunch in the cafeteria or at Subway.  She encouraged me to eat outside in the sun, just to get out of the building for a bit.  The afternoons were the same as the mornings.  We would typically leave the NICU around 5 or 6 and get some dinner on the way home.  We would eat dinner and I would pump while we watched TV or talked on the phone to various people.  I would try and stay awake until 11 or midnight so that I would only have to get up once during the night.   I did this every day he was in the NICU.  Only change was who took me to the NICU, on Wednesday and the weekends it was Justin.  My mom was there the other days.  Also once we were in the new NICU, we would stay until 8 or 9 at night.  This was our life now.

This is what a typical night looked like for us.  That is my pump in the lower left corner.  We usually watched Chelsea Lately while I power pumped.