Patience, it is something that I struggle with much of the time (all of the time really). I have a hard time waiting for things. I am the person who can't wait to open presents, I am guilty of snooping around to try and find them. My husband was aware of this trait of mine when he was planning to propose. When he would come and visit me I would look through his suitcase when he was in the shower trying to find the ring I was sure was in there somewhere. The stinker kept it in his Jeep!
Since having Oliver I have learned to be patient. I haven't had a choice in the matter. I had to be patient and wait for him to be ready to be held the first time. I had to be patient and wait to nurse him. I had to be patient and wait to bring him home. I know that I was being given a lesson to slow down and let things happen on their own time. Things do not work out how they are supposed to when you rush them.
Since things have settled down with Oliver life has taken on a slower pace. I honestly like it that way. I enjoy spending time cooking for my family. Some of the things I make take a lot a patience, like the yogurt I made this morning. It takes several hours, but is so worth it. Sure, it would be very easy and convenient to go to the store and grab some pre-made yogurt, but I like knowing what exactly is in this yogurt.
We also use cloth diapers with Oliver. Washing and drying them does take some time, but once it is part of your routine it is no big deal. This of course will get interesting this spring when Pumpkin makes an appearance. Ultimately, I just like cloth.
So, I am learning to be a more patient person, but I still have a long way to go.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
As if I needed another reminder that prematurity stinks
A new chapter in our lives has begun. We recently found out that we are expecting our 2nd child. Instead of feeling excitement and joy at the news we were shocked and scared. I feel robbed of those good feelings of expecting a new child. I am glad that we had the meeting with the MFM doctor this spring so we know what the plan of action will be this time. But there is still that undercurrent of terror that I know both my husband and I feel about this. I so desperately want those rose colored glasses, I want that overwhelming joy and excitement that expectant mothers feel. Instead I find myself hesitating to tell people, I am worried that they will question us about this. I dread the insensitive comments that are made without thinking. I worry that people will not be excited for this baby, as our experience with Oliver is still so fresh in their minds.
I feel like an awful and ungrateful person when people ask me if I am excited about this pregnancy, and I tell them that I hope to be there eventually. I so want to be able to let go of the fear and relax and enjoy this pregnancy. It is so hard to do when you have seen too much and watched your first child suffer and fight to survive.
I do have a feeling that things will be alright in the end with this pregnancy. I also had this feeling with Oliver, but the road from pregnancy to a healthy baby at home was a long, hard, scary, and painful road to travel. I don't want to travel that road again, but ultimately I understand that things are in God's hands.
My husband and I are hopeful that with the interventions planned for this pregnancy that I will get to term or darn close. The MFM doctor couldn't guarantee that I would make it to 37 weeks but felt like I could make further than 27 weeks.
We are also planning ahead on some things this time around. Trying to get some projects done now. I will have a bag packed in the car once I get close to viability (lets face it husbands and dads pick out really random clothes when you are not there to direct things.). I am still working out as I anticipate my activity level drastically dropping once I get to my second trimester. I feel a great need to get things set up and put in place sooner rather than later. I want to get the room set up this time, there is something special about this that you don't realize until you don't get to do it.
Does this make me a pessimist? Perhaps but I prefer to look at myself as a realist.
So here's hoping for the best.
I feel like an awful and ungrateful person when people ask me if I am excited about this pregnancy, and I tell them that I hope to be there eventually. I so want to be able to let go of the fear and relax and enjoy this pregnancy. It is so hard to do when you have seen too much and watched your first child suffer and fight to survive.
I do have a feeling that things will be alright in the end with this pregnancy. I also had this feeling with Oliver, but the road from pregnancy to a healthy baby at home was a long, hard, scary, and painful road to travel. I don't want to travel that road again, but ultimately I understand that things are in God's hands.
My husband and I are hopeful that with the interventions planned for this pregnancy that I will get to term or darn close. The MFM doctor couldn't guarantee that I would make it to 37 weeks but felt like I could make further than 27 weeks.
We are also planning ahead on some things this time around. Trying to get some projects done now. I will have a bag packed in the car once I get close to viability (lets face it husbands and dads pick out really random clothes when you are not there to direct things.). I am still working out as I anticipate my activity level drastically dropping once I get to my second trimester. I feel a great need to get things set up and put in place sooner rather than later. I want to get the room set up this time, there is something special about this that you don't realize until you don't get to do it.
Does this make me a pessimist? Perhaps but I prefer to look at myself as a realist.
So here's hoping for the best.
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